Where's My Ladle?

For years now, I refused to jump on the bandwagon of creating a new year's resolution because honestly, we all know that by the time February arrives, we wouldn't even be able to remember what it was in the first place.

So instead, I created goals and accomplishments for the year ahead. It started with a 5 year goal and after accomplishing them, it felt really good to have had a 'purpose' in life. After graduating from university and having too much time on hand, I decided that it would be best to create yearly goals. Instead of 'wasting' time, I set out to create an experience for myself, that made the year a little more worthwhile.

That aside, one of my goals for 2015 is to start cooking again! No doubt, it really means hard work for me, because I'd have to sacrifice hours of 'too much sleeping'. But yes, I am going to try and stick to it! At the same time, it is also because my pride got hurt a little when my boyfriend said that I was a bad cook. Apparently because he hasn't tried my cooking, apart from the french toast that I made back when we were dating.

So yes, I have successfully embarked on one of my goals for 2015 (in January itself ^^V)! I cooked lunch for the boyfriend and dinner for my family, but I think it came out a little better the second round cause I accidentally added too much thyme in the first round. I don't mean to blow my own horn, but it actually turned out quite well!

I think I need to work on my food presentation skills :p

So I'm really excited with my first success, I can't wait to cook again! Cook what ah?

'Crunch Time'

In the recent years, I found myself turning into a go-getter. I've always found a need to make plans, set goals and chase winds, to make sense of life and make every moment worth living for.

For the past couple of months, I've wondered if what I was doing was the 'right thing'. But the truth is, it was a decision that needed to be made and it was something that I felt, was worth a try.

My brother once told me, that as long as I felt uncomfortable, I am on the right path. Because it meant that I was fighting for something bigger. But the truth is, most of the time, I feel pretty incompetent; like what I'm doing is never enough and in fact, I'm not even sure if it's right.

Some may tell me that they admire my courage, for diving into something completely new. But when I sit down and ponder, I can't help but second-guess myself.

Now that it's 'crunch time', there is no time for mistakes and no time to waste. But I just really hope that at the end of all these, I will find an answer and very much hope, that I've painted a pretty damn good picture for myself.

You know you’ll be okay, but you still feel awful.

You know people love you, but it doesn’t feel like they do.

You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don’t know how to.

You want to be well, but you just can’t seem to get there

Facts About Virgo

A Virgo mind is a very powerful mind and they must have the proper attitude for their life to be happy and successful. Virgo needs to get in touch with their feelings, this is why they usually seem cold or detached. They are very prone of living in denial. They will say they feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out. The one thing that Virgos do not like, is to analyze their feelings; so pretending everything is okay, is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at their feelings. Virgos have an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament.

They need to be organized in their mind, sometimes all their energy is taken from organizing their mind that they have a difficult time organizing their surroundings. They easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what they perceive. Virgos are ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in their eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, Virgos will not be settled, for they have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. Virgos want to be of use, they need to be important and essential to everyone in their lives and in everything they do. Virgos major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. They have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to them, they do not have to always know everything. They need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, Virgos are very sensitive and they need to be appreciated for all the things they do. When Virgos are offended or hurt, they may never show it.

Virgos exists in their mind; everything is inside. To the world, Virgos' presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, they are nervous with uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgos can tire itself out without even moving! Virgos have a constant drive to improve and be perfect, which can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. They are pure with honest motive, never malicious and constantly want to accomplish something.

A Virgo woman is earthly and she may seem cold and detached, but underneath the timid, reserved surface lies the real woman, a strong, passionate woman with a great capacity for strong devoted love. She will play hard to get, she is hard to get for she is worried about exposing her emotional vulnerabilities and getting hurt. She requires patience and you will have to court her and work hard to impress her. Once she is in love, it is for the long term. She will be devoted, loyal and make you very happy and even put a little order in your life. Virgo woman is conservative and old fashioned, a typical woman who is perfect for the man who loves a challenge and likes to take a relationship slow.

"I Am Going To Live"

“I know better now, and so I am trying to do better. It is painful because the old ways are so comfortable but I know in my heart that pain is the only thing that will bloom if I go backwards and plant the same seeds I always did.

I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me.

I am letting go of many things, thoughts, feelings, and people that have weighed me down until the water filled my lungs. I am learning how to breathe again without them, and it feels bittersweet but I know this is what is right for me. 

I won’t explain or justify myself to anyone. I will live out my life with joy, with peace, with honesty, and I will not let anything unravel me again.

This is my story, and beautiful things will be written in each page. The light will soak into my words, and I will come alive in each chapter. No more holding back. No more pleasing you. No more making myself small to make you more. I am here, and I am going to take up space. I am going to live.”

- Dele Olanubi (via bealightinthedark)