My Biggest Worry

I used to believe that I've already lived the hardest part of my life and battled it out against all odds, but at the back of my mind, I know that hasn't happened yet. Maybe I'll experience it in the next 5, 10 or maybe even 15 years. But when that happens, I really don't know if I can survive that fight.

I am the youngest and only girl, among two brothers and well, I guess it's safe to say we're worlds apart. Amongst us, there is a 10 and 7 year age gap, and then there's me. I won't go into details on the hardships of life that I have experienced, but if you've been following my blog since it's prior move, then you would kinda have had a summary of my life already. Let's just say, life has always been bitter and it was only in recent years that I've managed to enjoy the fruits of my labour, after much persistence.

Like everyone else, aside from all the worry of earning enough to sustain the necessities of our daily lives and all our other financial commitments, I worry very much about the health of my parents. Both my parents are already in their 60s and in fact, my dad turns 68 next month..

Since I was a child, I've always been a daddy's girl. I don't know if it's because I don't get to see my dad very often, but he always is my number 1. He's the person that I call for no reason, just to ask "What are you doing?" even if I know he's at work and he's also the first person that I call, whenever I receive good news and even when I'm upset. My dad is willing to sacrifice in ways that I could never imagine, just to ensure that my happiness comes first. Most of all, I love my dad for standing by me, through my darkest moments, giving me hope, support and a reason to live.

When it comes to my mum, most of our time is spent in silence. We've arrived at a situation where I choose to remain silent most of the time, just so I wouldn't be quick to hurt her with my sharp tongue because when that happens, it hurts me the most.

While I was drowning in a pool of worries tonight and texting my dad, he mentioned that his health isn't looking too good. And right then, it felt as though the roof had fallen on me. My biggest worry has arrived. I've been too used to having my dad as a pillar of support that I really can't imagine a life without him and with his age catching up with him, I am very worried about his health.

Just last year, I noticed that his eyes were turning a shade of grey. And after pestering him for the longest time, he finally went to get it checked and found out that he had a catarac problem. We scheduled him for an operation which he insisted on going alone (-.-) and thankfully, had his condition resolved (after scolding the nurses there like a grumpy old man).

This time though, my dad's sugar levels aren't looking too good and even though he says that his condition is being monitored for these 2 weeks, I can't help but worry. And the only way to get this off my chest... is this word vomit.

I really don't mind the hardships of life, but I really, really hope that my parents remain healthy.. At least until I am able to provide them with a life, they deserve.

So please, wait for me.

The Sum of March & April

I know the inconsistency with my entries are inexcusable, but I've been really busy in the past few weeks and everything has been nothing but a blurry whiz through time. I've also lost my Moleskin diary, which only means I haven't been able to keep track of anything!

I've been consumed with Korean classes! It's been about a month and a half since I started and it will be my final class next week! Hopefully, I'll be able to continue to the next level. 화이팅! I've also been working on a project for the past few weekends but all that has since wrapped up for me! So aside from work taking up most of my time, I can finally breathe a little!

It's also been a week since I last received the BIG news, which I will probably share with everyone in due time. There's still much that needs to be sorted out and very little time, to make the most of everything. And even though I've been really stressed about it, I still believe that everything happens for a reason and good things will find its way, once I've crossed these obstacles. I just need to start working really hard now! :O

My diet and exercise plan has been a failure for the last few months. Breaking my tail bone has got to be one of my biggest regret, because it really fucked my entire system up and it's so hard to get started all over again! I need a personal trainer! T.T

And most of all, April is always a sign of my yearly trip to..... Bangkok! I am 14 days away from my next off day, which coincidentally happens to be the day that I am finally going on leave! Strange enough, I am not as excited as I usually am, but I believe it's probably because I am both physically and mentally exhausted, that I'm just looking forward to a day where I don't have to wake up early or go to work.

Also, I had initially planned to go on a trip with my dad to celebrate his birthday next month and when I shared the news with my siblings, everyone wanted to come along! So we decided to plan a family trip (Phuket or Bali), which includes my mum as well! However, due to unforeseen circumstances, we may or may not be able to make this trip happen, but if that doesn't happen, hopefully we'll still get to drive up somewhere.

Here's a picture of me looking really exhausted =o=

That's it for updates~! 

Hope that I'll be back soon with more entries!

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