Quarter Life Crisis

I've been feeling really down these few days, but I refuse to believe that I'm heading towards another low point in my life.

I think it's official.. I'm facing a quarter life crisis. But I'll get through this for sure.. once I figure things out.

About 4 years ago, I was a completely different person. I had no drive, goals, or even a plan for my future. To me, I used to believe in growing up, marrying the love of my life and being a wonderful wife and loving other to his children. Damn, what was I thinking?

I was clouded by love, for the longest time, that I didn't notice how the world around me had changed. I had no idea how everyone had quickened their pace and moved forward, while I somehow got left behind.

It was then that I realised, how important it was for me to catch up and make a difference in my life before it was too late. After all, with my then-boyfriend focused on his priorities, all I had was time. So I drafted out a 5 year plan, which compromised of primary and secondary goals that I would like to achieve each year. And at the end of 5 years, I would like to have accomplished as much as possible and more importantly, see a change.

Although I was pretty much thrown off my game, when I went through a break up; with the help of my father, I found reason and motivation to get back on my two feet. It was indeed a difficult time for me, but I have too give credit to my ex-boyfriend, for helping me realise how naive I was, to have been living life the way I did.

With new found motivation and support, my determination got the best of me. I had learned to use all that negative energy that was engulfing me and turned it into fueling energy to spur me on. I finally figured out how much I've been missing and charged towards achieving these goals.

Sure, my friends are slowly starting to get hitched and some are even starting to have kids. But didn't I just switched to my 3rd gear? Then why does it seem like I'm not gaining enough speed to move forward? There has to be more than this.

I've gotten my degree, started on a new job that can sometimes be a challenge for me and even started learning the Korean language. Yet somehow it still feels like I haven't found what I'm meant to do. There's so much more that I'd like to accomplish, but obstacles always seem to get in the way.

Nevertheless, I must not be discouraged because there's a dying flame in me that's waiting for the right moment to ignite. If I could have gotten past the worst, this certainly should be a piece of cake. I just need to keep pressing forth and keep myself from burning out, so that when the moment arrives, nothing can stop me from exploding into fireworks.

This too shall pass, 화이팅!